Jill Hogan
To say that Jill Hogan has had her share of “ups and downs” in life would be an understatement. Hogan, now 47 years old, has experienced mental health challenges since she was 16. That also was the age when she made her first suicide attempt.
“I was going through a lot at that time,” Hogan said. “In addition to the normal teen anxieties, my parents were going through a very ugly divorce and neither of them were there to help me sort through the negative thoughts and feelings I was experiencing.”
Hogan began acting out in high school, drinking heavily and experiencing symptoms of mental illness and depression that she couldn’t explain or talk to anyone about.
When she awoke in the hospital after her attempted suicide, she remembers her mother being horrified at the thought of taking her to a psychiatric treatment program because it would taint the family image. Hogan says that her mother finally agreed to take her to see a psychiatrist in a town miles from where they lived to avoid the embarrassment. After Hogan shared with the psychiatrist some of the things that were troubling her, Mom refused to take her back.
“It pretty much went downhill from there,” Hogan said. “My symptoms got worse and my drinking was out of control.” Hogan was placed into the foster care system when her mother, now divorced, couldn’t handle her anymore.
After graduation, Hogan left her hometown and excelled in a private college. Hogan was determined to make a new life for herself, thinking, “No one would know about my past.” Denial would solve everything. Hogan graduated Phi Theta Kappa in addition to receiving five Outstanding Awards. She believes her success was due to having a solid, positive structure and support during that time.
Unfortunately, once she was out of the structured system of her college schedule, Hogan began relapsing and experiencing the symptoms, she had earlier in her life. She was hospitalized numerous times and ended up in the state hospital in Illinois.
With therapy and proper medication, Hogan came out of her dark place and spent the next several years living a productive life until her medications stopped working and she was lost in her world of confusion all over again. Hogan was fortunate to receive treatment and was on a new road to recovery when she experienced a major traumatic event. Once again, her mental illness took hold.
She began to hallucinate and hear voices that were telling her to do things that only made sense to her. She not only was losing her grip on reality, but she lost the ability to work, her home, and a relationship. Acting on the commands she heard could have been fatal had someone not intervened.
“The psychosis I was experiencing was created by a chemical imbalance in my brain. I began reading all I could about my diagnosis and met others with the same issues. I surrounded myself with people who were living a full life despite their challenges. I learned new strategies to manage my symptoms. Naming my command voice ELI gave me permission to challenge what he was instructing me to do, because he was no longer a “voice that must be obeyed.”
Hogan has been in recovery and serving as a positive example for other individuals challenged by mental illness in Arizona. She volunteers as a support group facilitator for Mental Health America of Arizona, sits on the board of directors for Visions of Hope, a recovery-based community service agency, and regularly talks to others about mental health issues.
Hogan also serves as a peer on the Governance Board for The Crisis Response Network, and helps represent the Network at various community events. “I enjoy spreading the word that there is hope.”
Three years ago, Hogan began her own pet sitting business. “Animals have always been therapeutic and I benefit from daily exercise. I consider myself fortunate because I have found purpose and responsibility.”
“Recovery is not an event, it is a journey that happens when we refuse to be a victim of our symptoms,” she added.
